To Hadley on her first birthday

When I first found out that I was pregnant with you I knew for a fact that out of all the families in the world you had chosen us. 

After I took six pregnancy tests and picked my jaw up off the floor and had a panic attack and ripped the calendar off the wall and stared at it for two hours wondering when in the hell this happened, I knew out of all the families in the world you had chosen us. 

You saw things were hectic and hurried and overwhelming at the Mayer house and if you didn't take matters into your own hands and jump right in it might never happen. 

My goal every day is to give you the attention you deserve, and every day I fall short.  I have yet to read you an entire book without being interrupted multiple times, rock you to sleep at bedtime or enroll you in some sort of enrichment class that I used to think was oh-so-crucial to every child's development. 

But none of that seems to phase you.  You know a billion words, can almost hold a conversation and can count to five.  In Portuguese.  Besides, at this point you consider yourself lucky that I haven't forgotten you in a shopping cart in the parking lot and (usually) remember to feed you. 

I was so happy you were a girl to complete our family's female trifecta, contrary to what everyone seems to believe.  Sharing a room with two older sisters so close in age you haven't known a lonely moment in your life and I pray that never changes.

Other things you haven't known:  a clean house, a meal that doesn't involve a crockpot or meatloaf (usually simultaneously) and Christmas decorations. 

I promise to get my shit together soon after you leave for college. 

You are my last baby and, though I promised myself I wouldn't, I treat you differently.  I try my best to prolong every milestone, every outfit, every expression, every day.  I consciously soak up every memory because I know how quickly it will disappear, like it never happened. 

In a year I'll look back on today and it will seem like a crazy dream with all the beautiful details all fuzzy and blurred out. 

You are cute as a button and with those eyes and that hair you're going to be able to charm your way right though life.  If with no one else but your Dad. 

You are smart, determined and fearless.  You are loving and lovable, so much fun, extremely perceptive and your timing is impeccable. 

You are the exclamation point at the end of our sentence. 

And, most importantly, you are an awesome dancer. 

 

In the words of your favorite song:

 

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

 

Love,

 

Mom