Happy Holidays From The Mayers

Dear Friends, Family and Random Blog Reader Strangers I pray every night aren't pedophiles going to steal my kids,

Happy holidays! I thought I'd take a quick moment to share our many blessings and let everyone know what the Mayer family has been up to this year.

2012 kicked off my with OB prescribing me a healthy dose of Zoloft to deal with a bitch of a post partum hormonal mood disorder. I spent a lot of time wondering how many Big Macs I could eat before my stomach exploded.  Yowza! 

In February we hit a bit of a rough patch with recurring illnesses with the girls. There wasn't a single day in all of February that someone didn't have a dangerously high fever, pink eye or play musical projectile vomiting.

Wakka wakka!

In March Ellie hit a major milestone – potty training! Have you ever chased something through your house that is actively shitting all over your floor with every step it takes? And you try to run faster to catch it but you can't because there's something feverishly trying to suck your sore, tender nipples clean off your boobs?

Some days I would just take a little “me time” and decompress by firing up some Enya on my iPod, locking myself in the bathroom, putting my head between my knees and screaming into a bath towel as loud as I could until I was on the verge of passing out. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By April the money we had saved for a three day a week nanny ran out and that's when I started hitting the hooch like a boss. The entire summer is a bit sketchy but I'm pretty sure at one point we had a monkey named Mr. Vittles living in our dryer.

Lila started pre-school in August and has been busy making some great new friends! One of the little boys taught her how to smack people in the face and now I can barely make it through an entire day without getting surprised bitch slapped with both hands. What a rascal!

Hadley turned one in November – where does the time go?! Nick and I actually blew off her birthday to go to one of his six work-related holiday parties that had an open bar. We were going to get her a gift but we never did.

Speaking of Nick, his work has been really successful and busy. The two days a month he gets off we've had some great adventures. Like one time we went to Hardee's.

I've been spending the past few months working on perfecting our family routine and maximizing some domestic logistical efficiencies around the house. For instance, did you know you can save a ton of time on laundry if everyone wears the same clothes every day? Same with the dishes – there's really no reason you can't use the same plate and silverware for a week or two before it really needs a run through the old dishwasher. Actually, that rule pretty much applies to anything that needs washing.

And did you know that meatloaf only needs like three ingredients, most of which are optional?  Sometimes I just throw some hamburger in the crockpot and viola!  Dinner is served. 

From our house to yours, Merry Christmas and happy new year!


Beth Thomason said...

you forgot to put in the part that every time your freeloaders were sick happened to be when we had our "fun" weekends together and your kids got mine sick....every freaking time......