Laws are dumb. Wednesday caption contest is not.

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I've always been a big lover of rules and laws.  As long as they are in some way beneficial to me or result in some sort of personal gain.  Or apply to other people that are not me.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate rules and laws.  I like to think of them as suggestions, and it's up to me to use my best judgement on what I think is right or wrong.  If in doubt I just consult the Declaration of Independence.  If it doesn't tell me not to do it, it's probably okay.   

For instance, what's so bad about leaving the kids in the car while I make a quick run into the gas station for some beef jerky and a few scratchers?  And maybe I just want to use their bathroom for a few minutes so I can eat my beef jerky in private?  And cyber stalk my ex-boyfriends on Facebook?  It's not like I leave the car running or anything, and I make sure the windows are up nice and tight so nobody can steal them.  There aren't many people out and about in this dreadful heat anyway.  And you should see some of these places we go - I had a premonition that the luckiest scratchers are sold in the most dangerous parts of town so what am I supposed to do?  Take the kids inside with me?  That would be dumb.   

And the Declaration of Independence doesn't say anything about not feeding my kids a handful of Flintstone vitamins for dinner.  I'm sure our ancestors would have been MORE than happy to have that kind of complete nutrition. 

However, there IS a set of rules that I don't want to break.  And those rules belong to Mark Zukerburg.  He's got that creepy little smile and has more money than lots and lots of scratchers.  I don't want to do anything to piss that little guy off.  And about five minutes after I uploaded the picture for last week's caption contest on my Facebook page I remembered there are lots of laws about promotions on Facebook.  I started to read all of them but that's like SUPER boring.  It makes me miss the old days at the ad agency when I would just tell an intern to read them and make her the fall guy if we got sued for anything. 

So long story longer, I'm moving our caption contest over here. 

Here's a pic from our neighborhood happy hour a couple of weeks ago:


And stop freaking out, it's just water people!  Well, except mine is Wild Turkey.  I guess what I'll do is have you leave a comment below and I'll pick my favorite tomorrow (Thursday, July 19th) at 5pm. 

The winner will receive two free passes to the Museum of Transportation, and passes for two free miniature train rides while you're there.  That's like, a $100 value or something*

*Not a $100 value 

I've even changed my settings so you don't have to register to leave a comment, so you're welcome for all the god dang spam I'm already getting. 

And, as with last time, I'll ship anywhere to the 50 states, you have to be a legal resident of the United States, you have to be 18, and my family is not eligible.  So don't call me in a snit because your comment was *SO* funny and it's not fair because you did all this work getting your friends to vote for you, BETH. 


27 comments:

Beth Thomason said...

Ok since I’m not “ELIGIBLE” for your fun, awesome contest (you know I love to win contest too btw so you can assume how bogus I think that “rule”is) I’m going to point out a few discrepancies in your blog..
#1. You would never NEVER go into a public restroom…
#2. You are a big lover of YOUR rules not THE rules….
#3. Stalking….ex-boyfriend…what ex-boyfriend-imaginary ones’ don’t count –which is why you can’t find them on fb…it’s not that David Glass doesn’t have a computer….

Unknown said...

"here's to sister Ellie, sister Ellie, sister Ellie...
So here's to sister Ellie who's with us tonight!"

Hannah said...

That song makes my stomach turn.

Anonymous said...

Ellie, I promise I won't let them take you home until you've done #21. (ahh I love to reference your 21st birthday whenever possible)

sdcfan said...

If Aunt Beth were here, I wouldn't have to drink this damned water.....

CarrieS. said...

I need a "like" button. I want to like Beth's comment. You do like YOUR rules not THE rules.

CarrieS. said...

Like.

Jennifer Shepard said...

ummm...screw the water, pass the Wild Turkey!

Nicole said...

Cheers to two buttholes!!

Sarah Kate said...

Here's to you and here's to me, the best of friends that we may be, but if you ever need a DD, screw you Ellie!
HERE'S TO ME!

Stephanie said...

Is this gonna cause me to have to "take a Beth"? (sorry Beth I couldn't resist!)

Kate said...

So *hiccup*... mom *hiccup*... this is what you feel like when you come home from your girls' night.

Anonymous said...

"Thanks, Mommy. Yum! Hey, wait a minute...this tastes like that stuff you call 'Instant Naptime'...Zzzzzz"

Beth Thomason said...

ok this is funny Nicole!

Unknown said...

Can I get a chaser of breast milk?

Hannah said...

You guys - I am laughing so hard right now. These are awesome.

Anonymous said...

"Thanks, Mom. Ahhh..(sips)...interesting aroma, insightful bouquet, lovely finish...April was a good year."

Anonymous said...

"Over the lips, past the gums, look out diaper, here it comes."

Anonymous said...

"No olives? I distinctly asked for olives."

eli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eli said...

A few moments ago, when mommy poured me a shot, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added one more to my wolf pack. Two of us wolves, running around the neighborhood together, in Warson Woods, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

(okay, I know family doesn't count, but I couldn't resist)

Nicole H said...

Yes, drink up mommy! I'm going to rule this place while you're drooling on the carpet!

accidentalgypsy said...

"It's about GD time, she's sharin' the good stuff!" :)

Andi said...

"hit me baby one more time..."

Andi said...

"Water, really? Come on Mom. I found your bottle of Ketel One. And let's just say it wasn't entirely all Lila's fault..."

"Water, really? This apple didn't fall from the tree, Mom..."

"F this Mom. You know I'm a beer drinker. Pass me that Stella, stat."

Ashley Kron said...

"Mom try this!" ...Ellie hopes she can get her mom to lay off the booze for 1 afternoon.

Abbey said...

Water, not moms normal, does that mean......OMG another baby!!! Im gonna need the real stuff!