I can see why you've come to my blog looking for answers to your troubling question. I can totally relate.
Just curious - have you ever woken up in the morning to see what appear to be elf prints around your bedroom window and then you look down and notice your pubic hair has been shaved in the shape of a smiley face?
Let's just say that I've been working on a little "conspiracy theory" since college.
Other than that I've got nothing.