The virgin stork

Nothing is worse than hanging out with your in-laws after you have kids.  You know, because the evidence of what you did to their son that one night after one too many whiskey sours at a company function is running around the room, stopping every once in a while to scream in their face just in case they're having any success with blocking it out. 

Luckily my in-laws are super cool and when they come over we all just sit and talk about how cute the kids are and pretend like they were left on the doorstep by a stork.  A really flexible stork who likes to get freaky with it and can do a Triple Lindy from the top of the dresser onto the bed after a few beers. 

I mean, a virgin stork who sleeps fully clothed in the bathtub.  Shoved onto the roof.   

Actually, truth be told one of the reasons I married Nick was because of my future in-laws.  His Mom can draw like the dickens.  She does charcoal portraits and the first night I met her and saw what she was working on I immediately began strengthening my back muscles and scheming a plan for that night of whiskey sours which would trap Nick into giving me beautiful girls that would someday be immortalized by her. 

So here's the first of three - the product of all my hard work trapping and scheming:

Which is a hell of a lot better than what I've been using as a placeholder in our living room:

Yes, I know - it's beautiful.  And my Mother-In-Law's isn't too shabby either.  If you're interested in having one for yourself, or just ordering a copy of Ellie's because you know your child will never measure up to her beauty, check out her website here.   

And please don't mention you heard it here - the less she thinks about me and the terrible things I've done to her son the better.