R.I.P. 'Lil Shawty

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'Lil Shawty
10.8.11 - 2.6.12

Young life taken too soon
Like Janice, Marilyn and the nerd from Harry Potter
A fragile candle in the wind
Your flame extinguished by toilet water

I should have left you outside that stall
The communication far from dire
I just wanted to pass time on the pot
Texting my friend Andi about a pacifier

First a pep talk, then a deep breath
I stuck my hand in fast
My thoughts immediately haunted
By the ghosts of poo past

For 2 days I held silent vigil
Tears falling on your shroud of rice
First long grain, then white
Based on the tech's advice

So many memories for our short time
And you took them all
Pictures from Christmas, the video of Hadley's birth
Oh my god I hate you so much you fucking piece of worthless shit just please turn on for two seconds I feel sick to my stomach

I find peace imagining you
In the arms of Jesus
At $49.99 you were such a deal
Thanks to inhumane wages of the Chineeses

I have to move on
Lest I become institutional
But I'll never forget the laughs we shared
During my daily constitutional

*In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the A New Blackberry Costs WHAT?  Why Don't You Just Bend Me Over This Counter It Would Be Less Painful fund.

6 comments:

J Edwards said...

Didn't the tech mention that the rice trick can take up to two weeks? I learned that the hard way with a DSi, also in the toilet.

Hannah said...

No but I may physically die without a phone for two weeks.

Holly said...

You always make me look like a crazy person, laughing at my desk.

I have an old school iphone, maybe 1st generation, if you want it and have AT&T.
holly.j.stanfield@gmail.com

Hannah said...

Hey thanks for the offer. I had to take it in the butt and buy a new one though because I couldn't live one more second without a phone.

Andi said...

RIP 'Lil Shawty...
i can't help but wonder if you didn't jump in the toilet after you saw the words syrup and nipple in the same sentence. but i'm pretty sure you've seen worse.

Anywho, congrats Hannah on ‘Lil Shawty 2.0. May this one stay clear of all water hazards (clean and dirrrrty).

Sarah Kate said...

Oh sis that sucks...My phone broke once on a Friday night about 7pm on a holiday weekend. I thought I was going to keel over. Which character are you talking about from Harry Potter that died?