The iron maiden

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Just to refresh your memory... week 1:

Week 3:

I don't know why I held my arm out like that - maybe I was subconsciously trying to hide the huge piles of laundry on my bed.  But now it's too late because all the kids are up and I don't have time to take another picture. 

Aside from my weird arm I know the pictures don't really look any different and I still look pregnant with a food baby.  But an article I read said that when you're losing weight it takes four weeks for you to notice a difference, eight weeks for your spouse to notice a difference (or, according to my Mother-In-Law, twelve years and only when you bring it up in front of a bunch of people at dinner) and twelve weeks for friends and family to notice.  And since most of you don't fall into any of those categories I'm pretty sure if we met up somewhere you'd think I looked just the same as I did last month. 

Anyhoo, today I got one of these:



Which was pretty cool. 

When it comes to losing weight, my experience with Weight Watchers hasn't been all that bad. 

But that's like saying, "If I'm going to be slowly tortured to death, for my money it's hands down the iron maiden."

Working out and eating healthy is awful.  It's horrible.  All things being equal, no one would choose healthy over gluttony and sloth.  I don't trust people who say they like to exercise.  Because I do not trust liars. 

I'm so hungry every second of every minute I'm awake.  I even dream about eating.  And it's not like I'm starving myself - I've just downsized my feedings to what most normal people eat.  I started measuring my portions in ounces and tablespoons instead of casserole dishes and troughs. 

All I can think about all day long is dry humping a pile of tater tots, probably because I swear to god every single commercial that comes on television now is for food.  Stupid ass clowns eating lots and lots of food I can't have.  

Actually that's not true.  With Weight Watchers I can pretty much eat whatever I want, but most of the things I want have the point value of an entire day's worth of food.  So if I want a Taco Bell XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito I can go hog wild, but that just has to be the only thing I eat all day. 

Which brings me to Saturday. 

Throw that 2-pound log of Mexican pleasure together with a Diet Ginger Ale and Betty White's 90th birthday celebration and that was my rockin' Saturday night. 

But as I was basking in the after glow I had a big scare.  I think my new healthy eating habits are starting to mess up my body because I swear it immediately tried to tunnel its way out of my stomach via my butt.  And I won't even tell you what it did to Hadley after I breast fed her that night, but let's just say I've never seen someone take a crap with their legs above their head before. 

My stomach has always been extremely hospitable to a bunch of junk randomly thrown together and fried and if I keep on this health kick it's going to totally ruin my plan to resume my love affair with White Castle once I hit my goal weight.

This could be trouble. 

I'm not ready to say goodbye.   

5 comments:

Bree said...

omg, you make me laugh with your brutal honesty. Love it. and I agree, once you start eating healthy if you happen to allow yourself to indulge in a forbidden food, it's only temporary pleasure because it definitely comes back to haunt you!!

Mrs. S. said...

Too funny! I started WW in December after keeping some weight on for almost a full year since I had the baby. My fat ass had to go! Good luck!

annieharm said...

I just want to tell you how much I enjoyed your "pants of truth" posts from a while back. About a year ago, I finally started getting my ass back in shape after having let myself go. It wasn't "baby weight" - just "being a fatass weight."

I have a pair of pants from high school that I hadn't worn in 10 years, until today! I proudly proclaimed to my coworkers they were my pants of truth and that I was very excited about being back in them. They looked like they didn't understand what I meant, so I said, "Basically, I'm having a party in my pants right now," while motioning circularly in front of the fly.

I'm still not sure they understood what I meant. I have a meeting with HR tomorrow to discuss it.

In any case, I just wanted to say thank you for inspiring me with your pants.

Hannah said...

Oh Annie, sweet! That's awesome. I simply adore parties in the pants. Which is why I probably ended up with three kids so quickly. Anyhoo, I still have my Pants of Truth hanging on the back of my closet door. It was sort of hard for people to see how really tight they actually were in my (intentionally) dimly lit bedroom photography area so they've become more of a personal vs. public goal. I figured publishing my weight is more of a motivator anyway. Love your blog, by the way!

Sara D. said...

My husband and I just did a "juice cleanse" and, dude, it was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life. After that torture, simply EATING carrots feels like a luxury, so I guess it was a WIN, as far as beating my stubborn will into submission goes. I just put my body through what can only be described as a war camp, but I'm down 6.5 pounds, so I'll take it.