A smokin' good time

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For my money, it doesn't get much better than corn dogs, funnel cakes, and sitting smug faced on a set of gigantic bleachers constructed out of rail road ties while I secretly stare at and subsequently judge everyone who walks by.

This was my fourteenth consecutive year in proud attendance at the St. Charles County Fair, and, more importantly, second year sober. 

Of course the two years of sobriety have been forced upon me by pregnancy - a minor detail that didn't seem to deter many other fair goers.

One minute I was in my kitchen talking with my friend Kelly about the proper time to introduce solid foods to ensure our babies continue to receive the perfect balance of nutrients conducive to maximum brain development and growth in their first year of life, and the next I'm sitting on the bleachers of the demo derby where I see at least a half dozen women trying to balance a stack of five beer cups (with a full one on top) in their baby holdin' arm while their baby tries to grab at the lit cigarette in their other.

Of course the BEST part about being pregnant is that I get to be the sober driver. 

As I was taking this picture right before we left I was thinking, "One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight.  Eight heart wrenching calls to loved ones if something goes wrong behind the wheel."  Ah Ah Ah! *laughs like The Count*


Well, technically nine...  

...but I doubt anyone would actually miss Vicki for at least a few weeks.

However, by the time we left the fair and were en route to our next destination, a sweet Wentzville strip mall bar by the way, I was actually praying for a semi to cross the line and let death come quickly and painlessly. 

Someone was rhythmically dropping air bombs every three minutes in the back (Paul) while the rest of the car was screeching like hyenas (Kelly). 

Actually, the screeching wasn't that bad because at a certain point it hit a decibel only audible to certain breeds of canines.

Between the Moms at the fair showing their kids the health benefits of nicotine and the Wentzville bar which apparently offers refuge to every smoker from St. Louis County disgruntled by the recent smoking ban, I'm pretty sure this baby is going to come out asking me for a cigarette between puffs on his inhaler.

But at least I got my sweet maternity pics out of the way. 


4 comments:

Lisa said...

It took my 5 minutes to post a comment. Because I was too busy laughing at your maternity photos. SWEET indeed!

Is that a corndog in your hand or and edible shiv? Just wondering...

CarrieS. said...

In your adorable maternity photo, if you look on the left way in the back. The girl in the hot pink tube top, is she pregnant or just finished a 12 pack of Busch?

Hannah said...

Lisa - I think fair corn dogs and edible shivs are one in the same.

Hannah said...

Carrie - hard to tell. I'm guessing both.