"People" being the Division of Family Services.
For instance, when I brought Ellie home from the hospital I remember staring at the baby bath tub for about three days before finally gathering enough courage to actually get her wet. After a two hour ordeal ending with both of us questioning our life choices, I poured myself a nice tall glass of wine and thought, "Thank God I'll never have to do THAT again."
It wasn't until she started smelling like a blend of cottage cheese and feet before I figured out that baths are supposed to be a monthly ordeal.
What am I, a psychic doctor?
Now that she's two we have a whole new set of challenges ranging from clipping her nails to combing her hair. Perhaps the biggest of all, though, is brushing her teeth.
Since I brought Lila home from the hospital 10 months ago, my M.O. has been to employ whatever means necessary to make Ellie like me again. So when she insists on just sucking the toothpaste off the brush and calling it a day I dust off my hands and say good enough.
Clearly I need some help.
Which is why I was so excited to be invited for a sneak preview of the newly renovated Delta Dental Health Theatre downtown earlier this week. The theatre, which features interactive play exhibits, shows, special events and programs is a great way to get kids involved and excited about keeping their teeth from rotting out of their head.
I mean come on - who doesn't love a gigantic set of illuminated teeth and a talking toucan?
To celebrate the $145,000 renovation they're hosting a FREE family fun grand opening event on August 6 from 10am - 4pm featuring a host of activities for kids of all ages. The event will kick off with a parade including people you might be (all too) familiar with - Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob SquarePants, Buzz Lightyear and Elmo (all available for one on one photo opps with your kids after the parade).
The festival will feature a variety of games, a bounce house, face painting, a balloon artist, a pirate juggler and numerous educational displays.
Also, the first 500 kids under 12 will also receive free tickets to a future visit to the Delta Dental Health Theatre, a tote bag and other give-a-ways.
And of course I'll be there signing autographs. I'm also available for photo opps with your kids. You can recognize me because my daughter is the one who looks like she has meth mouth.
Again, the event is FREE! If you feel so inclined you can also bring canned food items for Operation Food Search.
For more information about the event or to learn about the theatre check out their website.