You know, birthdays used to be a really big deal until I was like 23.
Now instead of losing sleep in the good kind of birthday anticipation, I lose sleep in the bad kind of anticipation that accompanies turning a year closer to death.
Surprisingly, though, I held up really well.
Well, until the end of the day when I wolfed out a little.
I was hanging out with my bestie bloggers at a happy hour event and someone mentioned my birthday and I bragged that I was turning 35. I honestly expected the group's reaction to be one of shock and disbelief because, in my mind, aside from the stretch marks which have completely riddled my stomach, I still look like I did on my 21st birthday.
So blackie outie.
Anyhoo, rather than slam their fists on the table and declare me a liar, everyone just nodded sympathetically and said, "Yeah... 35... that's a big one."
Holy shit... people believe I'm 35.
Of course no birthday is complete without a burrito so I left the event to pick up Chipotle for Nick and me and on the way there I started feeling very nostalgic. Suddenly, as if it were some test from God to see what I'm really made of, Far Behind by Candlebox came on the radio. This song immediately catapulted me back to the summer of 1994 when the dorm tower elevator door was slamming shut on my parents' smiling faces and I was actually starting to believe they were serious about leaving me all alone at college.
I was scared shitless but had so much ahead of me... lifelong friendships, learning who I was and growing into the person I wanted to be, drinking so much at fraternity parties that I blacked out entire semesters... and now suddenly I'm a 35-year-old pregnant woman driving to Chipotle.
My life is going too fast! And as Candlebox sang dumb ass lyrics that make absolutely no sense I just started crying, maybe partly because I used to think that song was so deep, and you know how that goes - once you start crying you can't stop and suddenly everything sad that ever happened in the world worms its way into my mind and before I know it I'm sitting in my car outside Chipotle and Bette Davis Eyes is now blaring through my speakers and I'm sobbing, "AMY WIIIIIIIINEHOUSEEEEEE! WHY GOD WHY?" shaking my fist at the ceiling of my Accord.
Luckily I at least have my family to lessen the sting.
Me: (returning home from Chipotle) Here's the Chipotle - I had a minor breakdown.
My Sister-In-Law Vicki: Why?
Me: Because I heard a song from college and it made me really nostalgic.
Vicki: Was it on the oldies station?
So there you have it. Here's to another year.