A very wolfy birthday

So yesterday was my birthday. 

You know, birthdays used to be a really big deal until I was like 23. 

Now instead of losing sleep in the good kind of birthday anticipation, I lose sleep in the bad kind of anticipation that accompanies turning a year closer to death. 

Surprisingly, though, I held up really well. 

Well, until the end of the day when I wolfed out a little.   

I was hanging out with my bestie bloggers at a happy hour event and someone mentioned my birthday and I bragged that I was turning 35.  I honestly expected the group's reaction to be one of shock and disbelief because, in my mind, aside from the stretch marks which have completely riddled my stomach, I still look like I did on my 21st birthday.

Man that was a good time.   

So young.  So bendy.

So blackie outie. 

Anyhoo, rather than slam their fists on the table and declare me a liar, everyone just nodded sympathetically and said, "Yeah... 35... that's a big one." 

Holy shit... people believe I'm 35.   

Of course no birthday is complete without a burrito so I left the event to pick up Chipotle for Nick and me and on the way there I started feeling very nostalgic.  Suddenly, as if it were some test from God to see what I'm really made of, Far Behind by Candlebox came on the radio.  This song immediately catapulted me back to the summer of 1994 when the dorm tower elevator door was slamming shut on my parents' smiling faces and I was actually starting to believe they were serious about leaving me all alone at college.

I was scared shitless but had so much ahead of me... lifelong friendships, learning who I was and growing into the person I wanted to be, drinking so much at fraternity parties that I blacked out entire semesters... and now suddenly I'm a 35-year-old pregnant woman driving to Chipotle.

My life is going too fast!  And as Candlebox sang dumb ass lyrics that make absolutely no sense I just started crying, maybe partly because I used to think that song was so deep, and you know how that goes - once you start crying you can't stop and suddenly everything sad that ever happened in the world worms its way into my mind and before I know it I'm sitting in my car outside Chipotle and Bette Davis Eyes is now blaring through my speakers and I'm sobbing, "AMY WIIIIIIIINEHOUSEEEEEE!  WHY GOD WHY?" shaking my fist at the ceiling of my Accord.

Luckily I at least have my family to lessen the sting.

Me:  (returning home from Chipotle) Here's the Chipotle - I had a minor breakdown.

My Sister-In-Law Vicki:  Why?

Me:  Because I heard a song from college and it made me really nostalgic.

Vicki:  Was it on the oldies station?


So there you have it.  Here's to another year. 


Unknown said...

Ahh yeah I got an oldie station moment or two myself.. Journey can spin me back faster then anything.. good times good times.
But I honestly think your spin out had a lot to do with pregnancy hormones if it is any consolation

Hannah said...

Totally agree. It was either that or the glass of wine I downed on an empty stomach.

Susie said...

oh hannah! you will forever be 18 and singing scruffy's song! i love you!

Jenny said...

Oh my, that series of photos from your 21st birthday had me laughing hysterically in my office! Good stuff.

Hannah said...

It's all fun and games until your friends hold mirrors under your nose all night to make sure you're still breathing.

Amy Trapp said...

@Jenny - I'm with you, I laughed at the progression and comments....

Have to say that one of my fears is that my BFF will start showing PROOF of "college Amy", instead of what she does now, which is simply reference "her" at moments when my husband is around....

If it makes you feel better, on my recent b-day, hubby made a comment of how close I am to 4-0!

nearly went back to bed on that one!

angie duclos said...

Facebook failed to remind me of your birthday. Which is 2 days after mine..which makes us Leos and makes me like you even more than is legally possible in St. Charles County. Happy Belated Birthday!

Bonnie said...

I'll be 45 this year so what are you guys whining about. Just kidding. What really bugs me is that the STL "Oldies" station plays music from the 80's. Really? 80's are oldies. Diana Ross and Elvis Presley may qualify. But Journey, Foreigner, Loverboy? Never!!!