So my ass came in last night.
Contrary to what you might be thinking I'm thinking, I'm actually quite excited. I've never really had an actual ass before. I'd like to say that it looked like the Crypt Keeper sat on a pancake, but it was more like the Crypt Keeper sat on a waffle. But with more dimples. It was the damndest thing - despite the fact that there was no actual meat on my ass it was still covered in cellulite.
The weight of this thing is overwhelming and it's already thrown off my center of gravity a couple of times today. Also, if I look off to my side I can actually see it in my peripheral vision. And it is fabulous.
I've been standing in front of this mirror bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet for the last half hour because it reminds me of the wave pool at Hurricane Harbor. I wonder if I laid on my stomach and scooted back and forth if it could actually propel me across the room.
Oh look - I can balance a shampoo bottle on it like it's a little shelf.
I'm going to keep working on some moves - I'll keep you posted on what else this thing can do.