High school reunion

As many of you know, high school was a bad time for me for the following reasons:

You can go ahead and take your pick of which one of those reasons was the worst; I have spent the past 17 years sprinting away from all of the above.

But for whatever reason the past week has brought an explosion of high-school-like events all around me.

First, and incidentally the best thing that has ever happened to me, is that my almost 32-year-old sister Beth was told by two dentists and an orthodontist that she has to get braces or her teeth will fall out.

And we're not talking Invisiline - we're talking full metal jacket. For 26 months. With lots and lots of rubber bands and, if there is a God and he wants to reward me for anything I've ever done right in my life, hilacious headgear.

Her getting braces is living proof that karma is a bitch. My little bitch that fetches my slippers and mixes me a martini every morning before it rubs my back.

Sitting here reminiscing about all the teasing she put me through... it makes me giddy when I imagine her trying to bite into a sandwich after that heavy metal has been strapped to her face.

Now if only I can talk her into a haircut that looks like she's wearing a penis on her head we might be getting close to even.

Secondly, and not quite as enjoyable but a close second, is that Nick has to re-take his driving test. Both the written and the actual driving. Apparently the punishment for allowing your license to expire is hopping in a vehicle with Attila the Hun to prove that you're not completely incompetent behind the wheel.

Which, if you've ever ridden in a motor vehicle operated by Nick, is going to be a big challenge. I know you're never supposed to bet against your loved ones but I have five on me assuming the role of chauffeur for at least a month.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to my babysitting gig and prank calling the neighbors.


michelle said...

Your posts crack me up more than you can imagine. Life is good, especially for you, right now.

Hannah said...

Thank you! I have been smiling like the Cheshire cat for 48 hours straight now.