Did you feed my cow

Lately Ellie has really gotten into singing, probably to compliment her undeniably hot yet age inappropriate dance skills.

Ellie being my first child, I am not yet well versed in cute little children's songs. Aside from Twinkle Twinkle, which she has sung over and over enough times in the past two weeks to make a person do something they might regret, I got nothing.

Having few go-tos, I usually just sing songs I like but make up G-rated words. For instance: "Rolling down the street smoking windows, sipping on shin and shoes".

She really doesn't know the difference.

But last night after story time I was really racking my brain to remember something, ANYTHING, that I might have sang as a kid in my music class.

My music teacher's name was Mrs. Rayford, a wonderfully nice woman who could have given you a first-hand eyewitness account of what actually happened to the dinosaurs.

I thought and thought about what we used to sing as she went room to room with her bright blue cart toting her record player and stack of 33s. Out of nowhere I suddenly remembered something. It was foggy at first, but as I sang the first few words the song slowly but surely came back to me in its entirety:

Did you feed my cow? (Yes, Ma-am)
Could you tell me how? (Yes, Ma-am)
What did you feed her? (Corn and Hay)
What did you feed her? (Corn and Hay)

Did you milk her good? (Yes, Ma-am)
Now did you milk her like you should? (Yes, Ma-am)
How did you milk her? (Squish, Squish, Squish)
How did you milk her? (Squish, Squish, Squish)

Did my cow get sick? (Yes, Ma-am)
Was she covered with tick? (Yes, Ma-am)
How did she die? (Uh, Uh, Uh)
How did she die? (Uh, Uh, Uh)

Did the buzzards come? (Yes, Ma-am)
Did the buzzards come? (Yes, Ma-am)
How did they come? (Flop, Flop, Flop)
How did they come? (Flop, Flop, Flop)

What kind of fucked up children's music curriculum involves singing about sickly tick infested livestock who meet a horrible death then get picked apart by buzzards? And what the hell kind of lesson are they teaching kids about friendship? You don't let a friend's cow just die then get eaten by buzzards, man!

No wonder I had blocked it out.

But having nothing else I sang it to her anyway.

I was actually really glad that I dug up her picture in my yearbook because I also came across this little fun paper trail down memory lane:

Notice how I had four best friends and three boyfriends? Just looking at my wistful "come back Steve" scrolled across the top of the page re-opened the wound he left. It ripped my heart out when my boyfriend in the #1 slot just up and moved away after the passionate year we spent together without so much as a promise to write.

Also notice my little disclaimer "not true autographs" in the left margin? Probably because none of these people actually knew that I even existed so I was left with no other option to memorialize those I spent my first grade year with by being the only person to sign my own yearbook.

Even at age six I was winning.


beth said...

I can't believe you remembered did you feed my cow-hahahahaha! That song sucked! love the video of little Ellie!!

The Klinge's said...

That might be the most depressing song I've ever heard..... My seven year old sang a song last year, in her kindergarten musical, "McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut". And we wonder why their generation is overweight.....

michelle said...

The song is really messed up. You are the best.

eli said...

a little glimpse into what life was like growing up in rural missouri....

mandy said...

I pretty much laugh out loud every time I read your blog. And if you know me (Beth can confirm), I am not the laugh out loud kinda girl!

You are hysterical.

angie duclos said...

I can recall Mrs. Davis(Larimore Elementary) teaching us the Electric Slide--the new dance her daughter learned on her honeymoon while in jamaica in 1988ish. I also was so miffed that she refused to allow me and my homies to participate in the school talent show because we wanted to dance to Salt N Pepa's "Push It". We had a tight as dance but my dreams were crushed. Now when my daughter sings Cee Lo Greens F*ck You it takes me back to Mrs. Davis denying me of pure wholesome gangsta rap.

angie duclos said...

Oh and we learned "hi, my name is joe, i work in a button factory...one day my boss came to me & said joe....are you busy I said: no...turn the button with your right hand...and on it went." i learned that joe's boss was a d!ck and he delegated all of his work onto joe.

Katy Joy Knapp said...

I remember that song now that you mention it! Wow! Nice memory!