Poison Control: Ok, let me just look that up. (silence) I think she should be ok, it doesn't look like there's enough alcohol in those to get her drunk. What is she doing right now?
Me: Well, she's banging on her keyboard and jumping around in what appears to be an imaginary mosh pit.
Poison Control: (silence)
Me: I'm going to jail, aren't I.
As of this morning I'm officially on the map. Listed in some government data base that slowly over time compiles evidence against inept parents. You get a little tick next to your name every time you take your child to the ER, contact poison control or call the child abuse hotline on yourself.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my daughter. She got my cell phone out of my purse and is trying to call that cute little 2-year-old boy she met in the gym nursery this morning.
Whoop, there goes her shirt.