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Me: Um, I just went to get my daughter out of her car seat and saw she was sucking on a Wet Wipe.

Poison Control: Ok, let me just look that up. (silence) I think she should be ok, it doesn't look like there's enough alcohol in those to get her drunk. What is she doing right now?

Me: Well, she's banging on her keyboard and jumping around in what appears to be an imaginary mosh pit.

Poison Control: (silence)

Me: I'm going to jail, aren't I.

As of this morning I'm officially on the map. Listed in some government data base that slowly over time compiles evidence against inept parents. You get a little tick next to your name every time you take your child to the ER, contact poison control or call the child abuse hotline on yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my daughter. She got my cell phone out of my purse and is trying to call that cute little 2-year-old boy she met in the gym nursery this morning.

Whoop, there goes her shirt.

4 comments:

Emily said...

So, she's going to be a wet wipe girl. You better hide the Scope.

Hannah said...

Yeah, who would've thunk. Had I known Wet Wipes had any alcohol at all I would have been hitting that way sooner in my teenage years.

Laura said...

Love your blog, Hannah. Funny you wrote about Poison Control because I was just telling the story about my mom calling Poison Control on a daily basis over the course my childhood. The time I remember best was when we got these really cool dinosaur 'eggs' that hatched into a dinosaur sponge when you put them in water... only my baby sister decided to drink the glass of water we put them in. I remember my mom calling Poison Control and her saying, "What?! What do you mean this was the first recorded case of a child drinking the dinosaur egg water? She's going to die!"

JustLinda said...

I think it's 10 tick-marks every time you blog about them.

Every time the doorbell rings, I get excited but no one has ever come taken them - not even for a weekend.

I'll keep trying and let you know.