The Nightmare Before Christmas

'Twas the week before Christmas
And as generations of past
We took the kids to see Santa
With a line out the ass

It was nearing their bedtimes
When children are mopiest
To get through this hell
Mommy popped a few opiates

The doubt rambled 'round
So loud in my brain
Please tell me why
We're doing this again?

My hand stealth in Nick's pockets
I snuck out his cash
"Welp... smell ya later!"
I said with a dash

Ellie's curiosity piqued
At faint screams from afar
Mom was curious herself
Why Dad smelled of a bar

Merchants taking advantage
Of us captive in line
No I don't want to try your god damned hair straightener
For the millionth time

Like a thug on death row
Her number was up
The kicking and flailing
I prayed Santa packed a cup

His teeth told a tale
Of countless menthols
His suit smelled of Old Spice
His beard of old balls

Upon meeting his gaze
Ellie cried "KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
Decapitate this demon
With knives and barbed wire

Arms flailing so crazy
Her trust was forsaken
But her hair a nice mix
Of a pilgrim and Kevin Bacon

So here's the picture
Kids with possible molester
Ellie screaming her balls off
Lila channeling a most regal Uncle Fester

We drove off into night
Horrible parents so mean
Ellie whispered "Payback's a bitch, you jerks
When I'm pregnant at sixteen"