That may have been the sickest anyone has ever been in the entire history of the world. Why yes, I do have a flare for the dramatic, why do you ask?
At one point on Monday night I was laying in bed praying to god to just drop an airplane fuselage through the roof onto my head and put an end to my misery. I realized this would probably also kill my entire family, and everyone who happened to be on that plane, but I figured we could work out the details later.
Being sick is so different with kids. They totally expect you to still care about keeping them alive and stuff. But Ellie went to my mother-in-law's house on Monday and luckily Lila doesn't expect that much out of me yet and she was perfectly happy with laying on the couch all day and watching an Intervention marathon for eight hours straight.
I'm clearing the mantle for my Mother of the Year trophy as we speak.
But Tuesday it was back to the grind although every time I even thought about being in the same room as some food my stomach started picketing. As of Tuesday night the only thing I had to eat in 72 hours was the water that accidentally made it past my lips in the shower, which I promptly threw back up, so my breast milk was virtually non-existent. I'd been pumping them non-stop (I was too afraid to get Lila too close) but the only thing in the bottle was a little saw dust and part of my left lung.
On Tuesday night I was feeling better and so I dove in head first trying to get my calories back up and ate some fajitas followed by a little egg nog ice cream. It all sounded good so I decided to go for it.
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Nick, Ellie, Lila, my neighbors, my neighbor's dog and the family of chipmunks that live under our house for the wrath that those fajitas and ice cream unleashed on my delicate stomach Tuesday night and yesterday morning.
My insides are now so empty that if you put your ear to my stomach and listen real hard you can hear the ocean. And every once in a while what sounds like a pod of orcas making a snuff film will swim by.
But this morning I woke up feeling ok and I think I'm finally ready to reimmerse myself back into society and actually leave the house for the first time in four days.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to combing my beard so we can go to Wal-Mart.