Yesterday I finally got around to buying a baby book for Lila. I KNOW she's already 9weeks old. I KNOW I started working on Ellie's book before she was even conceived. I KNOW I promised myself I would not slight Lila in any way just because she's the second child and everything she does is boring.
But I can't help it - it's not just the baby book. There are so many things that I'm doing differently this time around. For instance...
Ellie - Oh! Your pacifier fell on the kitchen floor. Let me run it under steaming hot water then wipe it down with these expensive antibacterial pacifier disinfectant wipes I bought. Then I'll give you your spare until I can run this one through the dishwasher five times.
Lila - Oh! Your pacifier fell on the slaughterhouse kitchen floor. 30 second rule!
Ellie - Oh, you want to hold my baby? Well, ok. Please go wash your hands. Then please put on these gloves and this mask. Actually, on second thought, no. You can't hold my baby. Please don't even look at her.
Lila - Take this god damned baby before my arm breaks off. We can do formal introductions later.
Ellie - According to your food log you ate 3.2 hours ago and drank 4.5 ounces of milk so it's time for dinner! Organic pureed pomegranate and spinach green bean shake. That will round out every essential vitamin and mineral needed in your daily allowance.
Lila - Hey! What's this under the dining room table... a petrified piece of sausage patty and some cheesecake? 9 weeks is old enough for cheesecake, right? Want to try some sausage?
Ellie - No television shall be on while Ellie is in the room until she is two years old. And then it will only be on for one hour of nothing but educational programming.
Lila - Want to watch The Exorcist or Taxi Cab Confessions?
Don't get me wrong - it's not that I care about Lila any less than Ellie. I've just come to realize that these little creatures are extremely resilient.
And and also I'm really lazy.
I'm sure I'm not the first parent to loosen up with the second child and it is kind of cool to see the genesis of how birth order affects personality.
So if I were you I'd be really nice to Ellie if ever you two should meet. One day she's going to be president. Of everything.