Last week I was at my baby land breaking point and started hiding under the kitchen table with a butcher knife to slice at Nick's Achilles when he got too close. Seriously, people - I was living in Bitchville. I can't pinpoint the exact reason but I think the number of times I read Little Pea is directly proportionate to my level of bitchiness.
I mean, really - how the hell can anyone enjoy hearing the same story over and over and over? But every time I open the book she breaks out in an ear to ear grin like it's the first time she's ever heard it. Therefore I read it.
So by Thursday Nick was practically pushing me out the door to blow off some steam at a kickin Halloween party with my friends Angie and Dan.
Of course I dressed as Snookie, complete with orange face paint that smelled very flammable. That also didn't wash off for like three days.
Sadly, my social agenda is such that it doesn't really matter if I have orange face. No one at the rapid scan safety and emissions testing place or the Taco Bell drive through cared that I had orange face.
The party is an annual event, put on by one of the companies I used to work with when I was still working at the advertising agency. Their parties are always off the chain but this year we were promised a performance by a Grammy award winning artist.
You can imagine why I had to screw my head back on my neck when I saw it was Tone Loc and Digital Underground. The two people who just that morning had been sending magical rhythms through my ear buds encouraging me not to vomit as I nearly jiggled to death on the treadmill.
And of course I had to rush the stage when Tone Loc sang Wild Thing.
Yup - that's me and Tone. That's what I call him now.
And yes, that's Humpty. I can almost see his fake nose hairs.
As I was rocking the crowd with all of my best moves including the running man in my Snookie costume I was like BABY WHO?! Little Pea... NEVER HEARD OF HIM!
It was quite a departure from where I had been just three hours prior - looking at the business end of a diaper and wondering when Ellie ate green peppers.
Anyhoo, being close enough to two of my favorite hip hop icons to get contact high from their clothing I couldn't help but think one thing - man these dudes look OLD! So I did the math (and then looked it up on Wikipedia) and Humpty is like almost 50. Holy shit! If he's that old then what does that make me?
But I didn't care. Even though I've heard their music almost every day for the past 20 years, I just danced my ass off with an ear to ear grin like it was the first time I'd ever heard the song.
Humpty Hump is my Little Pea.