39 & Change


Depending on what doctor you listen to my due date is either Monday or Wednesday.

Personally I think there has been a terrible mistake and this baby was actually due some time in 2008. I'm positive she's going to come out with a beard.

I would just like to point out that if I had opted for the c-section I would be catching up on my US Weeklys while nurses serve me Percocet cookies and tell me to get some rest in my hospital bed right now.

Granted, my abdomen would look a lot like the closing scene from Braveheart but at least I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.

I was thinking this morning that I might try to use my condition to benefit society and embark on a safe sex campaign by showing up naked at area middle schools.

I'm also available for private parties, if you have a child you'd like to scare straight.