I'm excited to report that in the last three weeks I've had over 500 people visit the blog. And I'm even more excited to report that I figured out how to install and read Google Analytics - a major feat for a girl who had to Google "HTML definition" one month ago.
My close friends have had years to snuggle up with the terrifyingly obscure thoughts that troll around my brain but all you new folks are just getting acquainted and understandably have a lot of questions. I don't want anyone jumping to conclusions or calling DFS so I'd like to take a moment to address a few of the more popular inquiries now.
Q: Does Nick get mad when you air his dirty laundry on your blog?
A: Nick knows better than to look me in the eye, much less question anything I do while I'm pregnant. He knows what is good for him and the only thing he would dare question is if I would like regular or jumbo-sized pancakes. However, I know him well enough to know that he would prefer that I paint a picture of him that is more Pierce Brosnan and less Steve Urkel. Sorry homey, I just call it like I see it.
Q: Did you get pregnant again so soon on purpose?
A: Well, if "on purpose" you mean visit the fertility doctor three times a week, have 4,238 ultrasounds to measure the size of my follicles, take hormone shots to make them grow, more hormone shots to make them fly out of my ovaries, more hormone shots because the chest hair that grew during the first two rounds was still a little patchy, have three nights of perfectly timed unromantic mechanical sex, visit every Catholic supply store in the northern hemisphere looking for a statue of St. Gerard, plant a statue of St. Gerard in the front yard, dig up the statue of St. Gerard and replant it upside down, threaten God that if I don't get pregnant I'll never bring Ellie to church again, sacrifice a virgin chicken, tell God that I was just joking but only kind-of and he better do what I say, then yes, we did it on purpose. Otherwise... whoops! Guess I'm just really fertile.
Q: Don't you ever get tired of eating pancakes?
A: That's like asking if I get tired of breathing or if Tom Cruise gets tired of being gay. It's not a choice, dude - there's syrup in these genes.
Q: You sure curse a lot.
A: Ok, Mom, that's not a question, but yes, I do curse a lot. But lucky for the old woman behind me in the grocery store my internal filter catches most of the bad words as they make their way from my brain to my lips. This blog is designed to be an unedited look into what's happening up there and sometimes there is a lot of hostility floating around. I just let it flow.
Well, that's all I've got time for today. I've already missed the first half of Teen Wolf.
If you have a question you would like answered or just need some advice, feel free to email me at email@example.com.