On Saturday night I joined my Fancy Friends to cheer on our buddy Ryan at his first title fight at Scottrade Center.
You may recall that a mere seven days prior I was front and center at the St. Charles County Fair demo derby (with my non-Fancy Friends) which means that I have scaled the gamut of St. Louis culture starting at hillbilly, landing at pimp and completely skipping over everything in the middle.
Attending such diverse events in a short period of time makes me feel like I need to catch up on my immunizations or something.
Ryan is now under the management of Don King which is great for him but better for me because now I have a famous friend and am one step closer to gaining the street cred and respect I've been working so diligently toward.
In fact, this new found connection has really opened my eyes to the profound world of boxing and I've been inspired to take a step back and reevaluate my entire outlook on life. I would even go so far as to say that...
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Don King.
5. Referring to yourself in the third person is cool, but it's been played out. Inserting a definitive article immediately preceding the third person referral not only establishes your dominance on the food chain as we know it, but creates a whole new rating scale of cool. From now on I shall be referred to as "The Hannah."
4. When anything is in question - whether it be your reputation, integrity, innocence... just smile and wave around an American flag. That should do it.
3. Everyone needs a well thought out motivational song when they enter a room. This goes for any room, including the bathroom.
2. Surround yourself with really big people who make a living by kicking other peoples' asses.
1. Nick always advised me if I'm ever in a precarious situation to act crazy because "no one fucks with a crazy." I agree and would like to point out that Don has taken this one step further - no one fucks with crazy hair. Would you rape this? Shit no.