Recently I've been spending quite a bit of time perusing the hundreds of millions of other blogs out there and yesterday I stumbled across the most horrible thing I've ever read. It's from a woman named Sarah Brown who writes the blog Que Sera Sera. She hosts a night in New York and London called Cringe, where adults stand up in front of audiences and read passages from their high school diaries.

But I thought, "What the Hell?" and decided to share some noteworthy highlights from my high school diary with you.


Four words in and your eyeballs would claw themselves out of their sockets, run outside and jump into your BBQ pit and light themselves on fire.

However, reading through my diary does make me wish that I could go back in time and have a little chat with myself at that age. If I had to put it in a nutshell, here are the five things I would tell my 15-year-old self:

1. Pay better attention in history class. In the future there will be many times you'll have to look a lot smarter than you really are and people are SUPER impressed with all that historic shit.

2. Prom is SO overrated. I can't stress this enough. In fact, just skip the prom and read some of them there history books.

3. Put. Down. The. Scissors. For christ's sake. Your head looks like a mushroom.

4. You know that body of yours? The one you're always crying and complaining about? Well, you're right - it's not great. But it could be worse. And it will be. In 15 years everything will be about 3 inches lower than it is right now. But the good news is that your skin will eventually clear up.

5. Other than that, you're doing a really good job. This is as bad as it gets. And don't worry - your prince will come, and so will your princesses. It will just be a little later than you think so don't panic.